When Someone in Your Workplace Doesn't Like You

As a leader, how do you deal with those who don't like you? 

Having enemies in the workplace is often destructive. Ideally you should try to work with your rival instead of against him. But if your collaborative efforts fail, try one of these strategies instead:

• Find a common ally. Seek a third party whom your enemy trusts. A common ally may convince him of the benefits of working with you.
• Wait for the right time. Sometimes people need time and space before they can see your side. Put off communication until the right opportunity presents itself.
• When to go elsewhere. The effort of converting a rival is sometimes so great that you're better off focusing your energy on another relationship.
• Have a direct conversation.  This is the toughest one of all.  Many of us avoid difficult conversations but when all else fails, you need to.  Check this blog for listings about 'challenging conversations' and 'difficult conversations' to develop some specific strategies for engaging your enemy. 

Adapted from "Make Your Enemies Your Allies" by Brian Uzzi and Shannon Dunlap.

When To Share Bad News

As a leader, how and when do you share bad news? 

When you're privy as a leader to information that your staff isn't, should you share the news or protect them? When deciding whether to divulge bad news, do these things first:

• Know your tendency. We all have a preferred approach when it comes to privacy. Some keep things quiet, while others are more open. Understand your tendency and find a middle ground.
• Question your motives. Whether you're eager to share news or resisting a conversation, question your motives. Are you feeling guilty about harboring information? Are you afraid of people getting angry?  What value will be gained by sharing the information? 
• Tend toward transparency. Lean toward transparency if possible. As long as you're not violating school/organizational policy, give your team the bad news — especially if it's going to impact their work.

Adapted from "When to Share Sensitive Information with Your Team" by Amy Gallo.

Trust Your Gut When Challenging Authority

As a leader, how comfortable are you challenging line authority or the authority of tradition? 

Most of us are taught to defer to authority in our organizations.  This is true of line authority as well as the authority of 'how we've always done things here'.  As a result, we can often tend to disregard our internal compasses. But your instincts are often right. Here is how to counter your conditioning and question authority:

• Listen to your inner voice. Take a moment to breathe and consider what is going on. Ask yourself, "Are there other ways to approach this work?"
• Constructively question. Ask your boss, or important stakeholders: Why do we do it this way?  Can we - as a school/organization be open to different ways? Can we experiment?
• Reflect. Whether you've followed along or pushed for an alternative, think about what happened. Remember what it felt like to go against authority - or popular will - and think about how you might handle it differently in the future.

Adapted from "Learn to Trust Your Gut" by Ron Ashkenas.

Managing a Difficult Colleague

As a leader, how do you handle working with a difficult colleague? 

Working with a difficult person can be distracting and draining. Next time a colleague irritates you to no end, try these three things:

• Manage your reaction. If someone annoys you, don't focus on the behavior. Focus on how you react, which is usually the only thing you can control.
• Keep it to yourself. Emotions are contagious, so complaining about a co-worker can bring everyone down. And it can reflect negatively on you. If you must vent, do it outside the office.
• Work together. It's counterintuitive, but by spending more time together you may develop empathy for your colleague. You might discover reasons for the behavior: stress at home, pressure from someone else, or some other cause.  

Adapted from "How to Work with Someone You Hate" by Amy Gallo.

In Difficult Situations, Stop and Wait

As a leader, when meetings or projects get stuck, what strategies do you have to handle it?

When a project or meeting gets difficult, it can be tempting to use your positional authority to push things through to try to get it over with. But it's better to do the same as you might do for a slow-moving computer: shut it off and wait a minute. Give yourself the opportunity to regain your composure and collect your thoughts. In a meeting that's going nowhere? Take a break. Not making headway on a document you need to write? Take a walk. During the break, don't think of new strategies or ideas. By taking yourself out of the situation, you allow your brain to rest so that when you return—with a fresh perspective and a calm mind—you are more likely to find a new solution.


Adapted from "Restore Yourself to Your Factory Default Settings" by Peter Bregman.

Giving Negative Feedback? Sleep on It First

As a leader, when you need to give negative feedback, do you do it immediately or do you sleep on it first?

Many people advise that you should give negative or difficult feedback immediately, preferably within 24 hours of an incident. But next time you have to provide constructive criticism, consider sleeping on it first. Your input will be far more effective, and better received, if you aren't feeling the emotions related to the situation. Put some distance between the offending action and the feedback to give yourself perspective. You may need to calm down over several days. This will give you time to prepare, consider the other's point of view and how the feedback might be received, and deliver the message in a calm and helpful way.  This demands the full range of emotional intelligence skills....but that's one of the reasons you're in a leadership position.  If you don't have the EI, you probably shouldn't be leading.



Adapted from Guide to Giving Effective Feedback (HBR OnPoint Collection).

Now that you have the position

You now have the leadership position.  But do you have the skills?

As a leader, you have a formal leadership role.  But formal leadership roles demand a set of skills that you may not necessarily have.  People frequently are promoted because they were exemplary in their position.  However, this doesn't automatically translate into having the skills required in a leadership role.  As a leader, can you identify the necessary skill sets for your position?  When that's done, can you then identify which of these skill sets you have, which skill sets you don't have, and which ones you are developing?  Once this 'gap analysis' has been done, you have some important thinking to do about how you will build the skills that you need in your role.  In other words, what do you need to learn and how will you learn it?  Every great leader is also a great learner.  Leadership demands learning and continual refinement of the skills of leadership.  What is your plan to be a great leader? 

Here is a list of just some of the skill sets that great leaders have:

• setting direction for the work of your staff
• building purposeful, authentic relationships...and then sustaining them
• knowing how to motivate people
• knowing how to handle difficult conversations while maintaining the integrity of staff members
• problem-solving
• supporting each member of your staff in building their capacity to do the work
• coaching and mentoring.....and knowing the difference
• planning for succession and ensuring that there are always others who can carry on the work
• being accountable
• taking responsibility
• identifying the focus of the work and supporting staff in keeping the focus
• dealing with distracters so that they don't impact on your staff
• distributing / sharing leadership with others
• ...and the list goes on....

Crucial Conversations......and your thinking...

As a leader, how do you prepare your thinking for crucial conversations? 

Crucial Conversations.......starting points....

• What do I want for myself?
• What do I really want for others?
• What do I really want for the relationship?

Once you've asked yourself what you want, add one more equally telling question:

• How would I behave if I really wanted these results?

Find your bearings.  There are two good reasons for asking these questions.  First, the answer to what we really want helps us to locate our own North Star.  Despite the fact that we're being tempted to take the wrong path by (1) people who are trying to pick a fight, (2) thousands of years of genetic hardwiring that brings our emotions to a quick boil, and (3) our deeply ingrained habit of trying to win, our North Star returns us to our original purpose.

Take charge of your body.  The second reason for asking what we really want is no less important.  When we ask ourselves what we really want, we affect our entire physiology.  As we introduce complex and abstract questions to our mind, the problem-solving part of our brain recognizes that we are now dealing with intricate social issues and not physical threats.  When we present our brain with a demanding question, our body sends precious blood to the parts of our brain that help us think, and away from the parts of the body that help us take flight or begin a fight.

Asking questions about what we really want serves two important purposes.  First, it reminds us of our goal.  Second, it juices up our brain in a way that helps us keep focused.

From: Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzer
Published by: McGraw-Hill