Listening - Your Default Behaviour

As a leader, is your default response listening......or.....???

It might be tempting as a leader to talk - initiating conversations, responding with directions or explanations, or verbally 'taking charge' of situations.  This is quite commonplace and people have often come to accept it as the behaviour of a boss.  However, it's not the behaviour of a leader.  Leaders listen.....and then listen more.  Leaders listen for a number of reasons....in order to understand.....to get the whole picture......to get a range of perspectives......to collect valuable insights or ideas.  Leaders also paraphrase - not 'parrot' - what they hear in order to be sure they understand and to send the message that they are listening and value the thoughts of others. 

If you're not already doing so, make listening your default behaviour.  You just might be surprised how much more effective you - and your school/organization - can be when you talk less!

Listening without Reacting

As a leader, do you know and use the skills of listening - without reacting?

Listening is harder than speaking. Even the best listeners sometimes have to bite their tongues to stop from reacting, interrupting, or trying to deal with the person talking. Here are four ways you can truly listen:

• Avoid distractions. This doesn't just mean putting down the Blackberry or closing your web browser. Try not to think about what you're going to say next. Simply focus on what the other person says.
• Listen for content and emotion.  When people are concerned about something and are speaking with you, there is both content (the issue) and emotion (how they're feeling).  Listen for both.  You'll need them in the next step.
• Repeat back by paraphrasing concisely. This sometimes feels silly, but repeating back what you heard - in the form of a clear, concise paraphrase - shows the other person that you're listening and you're getting it.
• Ask thoughtful questions. Ask open-ended questions that help you see the issue more clearly and allow your conversation partner to go deeper into what s/he cares about.

Adapted from "How to Really Listen" by Peter Bregman.

Too busy? Help someone else.

As a leader, do you sometimes feel too busy?  If so, help someone else.

It can be irritating to hear someone else complain about being busy, especially if you're busy too. But instead of competing with your own story of how busy you are, offer to help. Start by empathizing. Tell your colleague that you understand, and paraphrase the complaint back to them. Then offer to help in a specific way: Tell them you'll grab lunch, look over work that needs tending to, or...something else tangible. Chances are your colleague will take you up on the offer and feel appreciative. This act of generosity will make you feel better and more productive. You'll likely see that if you have time to help someone else, you have enough bandwidth to complete your own work.


Adapted from Guide to Managing Stress by by Gill Corkindale, Judith Ross, Tony Schwartz, Catherine McCarthy, Stewart D. Friedman, Peter Bregman, Amy Gallo, Alexandra Samuel, John Baldoni, Linda Steinberg, Ron Ashkenas, Rosabeth Moss Kanter, Vickie Elmer